“Loneliness has continued to ripple through my mind. Grief that almost makes me go insane cuts me deep. I must write a novel.”

Shuhei Fujisawa (1927-1997) recorded the deep sorrow he felt over the loss of his wife, Etsuko, in a pocketbook, excerpts of which his sole daughter, Nobuko Endo, has published in a magazine for the first time to mark the 20th anniversary of the prominent author's death.

The words were written about 20 days after his first wife's death at the age of 28, leaving an 8-month-old Endo behind.

Fujisawa's writings in an unpublished pocketbook and three notebooks describe his dream of becoming an author, his passion for writing, and the deep grief over the loss of his wife.

The writings were penned from 1963, when Endo was born, through 1976, with the 13 years covering the period both before and after his first short story, "Kurai Umi"(Dark sea), was published.

Fujisawa pursued his dream of becoming an author while he was working as a writer for an industrial journal.

“My father was able to overcome his painful days by continuing to write,” said Endo, who has tracked her father's writing in his younger days.

Fujisawa is famous for his historical novels, which are filled with the sorrow and joy of life, including “Semishigure” (Chorus of cicadas), adapted into the film "The Samurai I loved," and “Tasogare Seibei,” which was adapted into "The Twilight Samurai," a 2002 movie that was nominated for an Oscar.

Fujisawa’s commitment to becoming an author can be seen from words written in 1963, eight years before his debut: “I want to win the Naoki Prize (the prestigious literary prize), I will strive to write while keeping the ideals with which I started out instead of becoming a skillful writer.”

After winning the Naoki Prize in 1973 for “Ansatsu no Nenrin” (Annals of assassination), he wrote: “I will start thoroughly deleting florid prose.”

Fujisawa’s words reflect his attitude of repeatedly analyzing himself.

“These are the records of an attitude that had been kept since before his debut and the path of an author who has a reputation for having written no trash,” said Akira Yoshiyasu, a senior official at Bungeishunju Ltd.

Endo talks about the contents of her father’s pocketbook and notebooks as well as why she decided to reveal the contents in the November issue of the magazine “All Yomimono,” published by Bungeishunju.

“Fujisawa Shuhei Nokosareta Techo” (A notebook left by Shuhei Fujisawa) written by Endo is scheduled for publication Nov. 29.